Calypso King is leaving us and his departure isn't in very pleasant circumstances. The team management threw an early farewell party for him after the last defeat. Dildo wasn't around to sponsor this one though, so it went from the team kitty. No one was particularly pleased with the idea of hanging out together, although no one objected to it openly. Since, the posts have been coming out, guys are making their own small groups and going out to places without informing others. No one wants Fake IPL Player to land up there and broadcast their nefarious activities to the whole world. In fact, the blog has affected the nocturnal lives of IPLers in more ways than one would have expected. Teams are now trying to find out before hand where our team is headed after the match, to ensure that they don't land up at the same place. Kishen Kanhaiyya, whose tour took an unexpected turn after the Opium Night expose, is having the driest tour ever in his life. Little Sister has still not given in to the Sheikh's famed magic. Little John's been getting frantic phone calls from his Mom and he's had to promise her that he will return to India "Ganga jaisa pavitra" (I couldn't believe my ears myself but these ARE the exact words he used). So, in the backdrop of all this, we had to go for Calypso's farewell party.
While the drinks flowed, the music blared, Calypso suggested to Skipper that he should tattoo his IPL scores. (For the uninitiated, the skipper has tattooed his cricketing numbers in Roman numerals on his arms.) WHile the skipper was thinking about what to say, Calypso started a discussion on whether there's a Zero in Roman, obviously referring to the skipper's ducks during the tournament. Finally, in drunken stupor, the skipper reacted with a few choicest words of his own. He was eventually whisked away by Candy Nickle to avoid a blow down.
For the rest of the evening, the two weren't seen together. They didn't shake hands before Calypso left the party.
Mangal Pandey's phone was lying unattented on our table while he was warming his palms in one of the dark corners of the club. Bhookha's deputy, in an inspired move to catch the Fake IPL Player red handed, started scanning through his SMSes. The news was eventually relayed to Mangal who then gave the the Deputy a crash course in Bhojpuri, a discourse he is unlikely to forget in the short term.
The butt of most jokes during the party was Our Man Dildo himself. Most jokes were around the rat abandoning the sinking ship. I couldn't help but smile at the irony of it all. A man, who till a few weeks ago was our hero has now become to most laughed at man in the team. Bangla Tiger, who was busy clicking pics with the star till the other day, was cracking the funniest jokes on him in Bengali. As they say, the higher you rise, the harder you fall.
Apparently, Dildo didn't meet anyone before leaving for India. And he has sent an email to Boy George asking him to justify such a large support staff. The paranoia has shifted to the support staff now and there's news that 5 of them will be asked to return. Boy George and Bhookha Naan were locked in a meeting for 2 hours yesterday.
The Kiwi coach has joined us to observe and learn from us. As if one mole wasn't enough, our team now has invited a new one. Whatever prompted Mr Genius to choose our team over others, what's now clear is why New Zealand is placed 8th in the ICC rankings.
On the whole, the team's now waiting for IPL to get over to go back home. As a team and as individuals we have achieved all that we had planned for. We have successfully sent Dildo packing, we have improved our performance over last year, we have reached depths that
others can only dream of, Little John can now score only on the pitch, Kaan Moolo has finally convinced the world that no matter how hard he tries he can't get any worse, Bhookha has earned enough to finally retire, and I think I am kind of reaching the end of my blogging career. I think there isn't much to play for any more.
Finally, it's official now. Bhookha, Skipper and the entire support staff are resigning at the end of the season. (If they don't, they'll probably be sacked anyway.)
Your's truly.
P.S. I think some website's been advertising that I am appearing for a live chat. That's not true. Under the circumstances I can't live chat at all and nobody knows who I am.
P.P.S. Some people are replying to comments posing as IPL Anonymous. It's not me. I haven't participated in the comments section. Pls don't believe the guy posing as me.
P.P.P.S. I have heard that Dildo's PR team has decided to degrade this blog by posting malicious and critical comments, and also by spamming in the comments section. If only this energy was seen in building the team.
P.P.P.P.S. The focus has shifted to the Support Staff. The management is now convinced that the Fake IPL Player is not a player, but a support staff member. Let's see where this trail takes them.
P.P.P.P.P.S. I have decided to retire from all forms of cricket after IPL. I will disclose my identity on our last match day.
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